The Sixth Annual Jeffrey J. Mabon Memorial Event was held on July 21, 2012 . At left you see Jeff loading his bicycle onto the car rack in July, 2006. A quiet and unassuming man, he would have squirmed under this spotlight. Nevertheless, he would have been honored and humbled by the outpouring of love and support. While it began as a bicycle ride, it evolved into a hike along the trails Jeff once cycled in North Park. 

It is always a wonderful and uplifting day. This year we collected donations for the Friends of the Riverfront organization. I am truly grateful to everyone who participated and donated in Jeff’s memory. Did I mention how much we all enjoyed Bruster’s “Peanut Butter Puddles” ice cream after walking the trail? YUM! 

This event was the brain child of Jeff’s friend and colleague, Russ. Russ is the person who introduced Jeff to cycling. They would ride along the riverfront, Hartwood Acres trails and North Park trails of Pittsburgh. Initially the reluctant cyclist, Jeff grew to love it. He later said it became an addiction. If only his heart could have kept pace with his enthusiasm.

The following passage from my unpublished memoir, Comfort Food discusses the impact of the event on the boys and me.

“I was surprised by how much the boys enjoyed the event. Many of their teammates and friends came, which was quite uplifting to both Andrew and Connor. Being 14 and 16, they typically would avoid the spotlight like the plague. Not this day. They actually told me later how much they liked it. I think this was because when you are grieving, you need to put that energy somewhere. You need to do something to stay sane. Because you feel helpless to change the situation, it feels good to take action of any kind. The memorial event was the perfect outlet for our grief. We were surrounded by people who loved and cared for us and we had the opportunity to donate to a worthy cause…Russ graciously allows us the privilege of choosing the beneficiary each year. This was another important step in our healing process. It may be cliche, but so true – when you help others, you actually help yourself. Thank you, Russ for this brilliant idea.”

 Healing comes to us from many different directions. Keep your heart open to all the opportunities that come your way. 

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” – Mark Twain

While driving home from the grocery store last week, I saw a bumper sticker on my friend Marianne’s car that read “Laugh More”. Of course Marianne would have this on her bumper. She is one of the most beautiful, positive, light-hearted people you will ever meet.  When you are in Marianne’s company, a sense that the world is perfect just the way it is washes over you like a gentle wave.  And yes, you usually find yourself smiling and laughing.

This bumper sticker got me thinking about how seriously we take life at times and how it can be detrimental to our health and happiness. It is so easy to get locked into our daily routines and expectations. When something goes “wrong” we become unglued, frustrated and angry. Rigid in our adult roles, we lose our sense of humor and levity. When you walk down the street, how many people do you see with a smile on their face? I have observed that many have a hard, tight face with steely eyes. Very serious indeed. I wonder how often they have a good laugh? My guess is not often enough.

When I hear the children in my neighborhood laughing, a smile comes to my face. It makes me feel good. It is the most natural thing to do, so why don’t adults laugh more often? At what point did we lose our ability to truly enjoy ourselves and express our happiness? With all the serious issues facing our country and countries all over the globe, people may ask what there is to laugh about. No doubt there are serious matters to be resolved, but why give in to despair? A gloomy outlook serves no purpose and usually makes things seem much worse than they are.

 Do you remember the last time you had a really big belly laugh? Do you remember how good you felt afterward?  If you don’t, try to be a little less serious about yourself and your life. Have some fun and laugh more. 

“The person who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” – Chinese Proverb

Often times we are overwhelmed by a task, project or deadline. It can be as simple as cleaning out a garage, planning a party or weeding a garden, or as complicated as moving to a new state, writing a book or completing a doctoral dissertation. So distressed by the task before us, we don’t even want to begin.

It is as though we are standing at the base of mountain. Looking  up at at the distant peak, we  stop cold – paralyzed by fear and dread. Exhaustion sets in before we take the first step.  Just the thought of navigating this behemoth makes us tired and frustrated. So, what are we to do?

When I felt exasperated by the process of writing a book, creating a website and blogging, my friend, Lori suggested that I employ the method by which she (a busy mother of four) completed her dissertation. I call it “Lori’s 10 minute rule”. The rule is beautifully simple. Work 10 minutes a day on your project. That’s it. Commit to working 10 minutes a day, every day and you will be surprised how much you can accomplish. I can say first-hand that this approach works. I think it works for two reasons. The first is that mentally we can digest the idea of “only” 10 minutes. It feels manageable, so we are more likely to take the important first step to start. The self-imposed pressure to do it all in a day is off.  Ahhh – we can relax! The second is that once we start and get involved in the project, we often work longer than our allotted 10 minutes. We don’t have to, but we may if we choose to do so. One day we look around and notice we made it to the peak!

If you are faced with a daunting task, I encourage you to give “Lori’s 10 minute rule” a try. Take a deep breath and move one stone.

     “Friendship is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world.” John Evelyn

I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends. Their love and support carried me through the dark days of grief and brought me back to life.  Comfort Food pays homage to those friends and their numerous acts of kindness.  As I say in the book, “Everyone was so genuine, so loving, so kind and so very generous. I cannot describe the love I felt and the comfort these wonderful people provided…Suspended between the life I had and the life that was waiting to be embraced, a cocoon of loving gestures encircled me. At times, the outpouring of affection was overwhelming. I drank from a cup that never emptied.”

 Friendships are vital to our happiness and well-being. Not only when we are grieving or are in need, but everyday. Our friendships are gifts to be treasured and we must handle them with care.  Research confirms what we all know to be true – friends are good for the health of our body, mind and spirit. For example, “The famed Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight.”*

 Do yourself a favor and make time for your friends. Have fun and enjoy each other. Do something silly. Do something creative. Do something just for fun. Do something helpful. Do something that makes you laugh. Just do something – together. You will be so glad you made the effort.

 * UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women – An Alternative to Fight or Flight, 2002 Gale Berkowitz, http://www.anapsid.org/cnd/gender/tendfend.html

As we celebrate our nation’s independence tomorrow, let us also celebrate our personal independence from all things that prevent us from being all we can be. Let’s make the conscious choice to be free of all old, limiting thoughts about ourselves that keep us stuck. Let’s choose to welcome new ideas, positive energy, and new opportunities,which enrich our lives and feed our souls. Like our brave forefathers, we can choose to overcome obstacles and create a new, prosperous world. It is a choice and we are always free to make that choice. Happy Independence Day!

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot